Scotch & Champagne & Barney
by Ellemae
Summary: A late night at the bar leads to a change in Barney and Robin's relationship. Set season three before 'Sandcastles in the Sand'. Warning: smut.
1. Chapter 1

She's definitely had too much scotch.

And she's definitely almost drunk.

Barney's sitting across from her in the booth, their friends left long ago, and when he slides another drink in her direction she takes a sip and wonders if he's trying to get her drunk.

As she swallows the smooth alcohol she realizes no, that's not it.

Because Barney's drunk too.

When she finishes the drink she stands to go and Barney awkwardly mimics her.

"Do you...mind if I stay upstairs."

He slurs as he asks and she grins pleased that she knows him so well.

"Okay," she nods.

They barely make it up the stairs, laughter rolling off them in waves.

They both stumble into the apartment and collapse on the couch.

They're silent for a minute, then a minute more, then he's sleeping and she wants to be sleeping too.

Her room suddenly seems too far away.

Plus Barney's here.

* * *

She wakes up with just the hint of a headache which in no way makes sense considering how much she drank last night.

"Hey."

She turns her head and is face to face with Barney.

"Hey."

"How's your head?" He sounds concerned.

"Maybe a little headache. You?"

"Same."

He looks puzzled for a minute then grins at her, "Think we're still kinda drunk?"

She laughs, "Probably".

"Welll..."

And just like that she can tell he's come up with some ridiculous plan.

He leaps up and heads to the kitchen.

When he comes back he's holding champagne and orange juice and mugs.

She shakes her head at him.

"What?!" He exclaims in the tone that says everyone else is crazy and he's perfectly sane thank you very much.

"Mimosas, Barney? That's your big plan?"

"Only sure fire way to hold off a hangover. All the college kids know that."

"And you would know what all the college kids know how?"

He raises an eyebrow at her and gives her a smug look.

Ew. She makes a never mind motion with her hands.

He pours the mixture in a mug.

She drinks some then questions him again.

"Really? Mugs?"

"Robin," he rolls his eyes at her, "This is your apartment. Plus you live with Ted".

He says it like that explains everything, which actually, it does.

He sits next to her, closer than he should be really.

She puts her mug down, leans over, and kisses him.

He blinks at her in surprise after she's pulled away.

"What was that for Scherbatsky?"

She shrugs.

"Just felt like it."

She picks up the mug again and drains it. Refills it quickly.

"Robin, the general idea is to take the edge off, not get totally shitfaced again. Also, don't you need to work today?"

"Nope," she says calmly as she takes another sip.

It's quiet for a minute, but for some reason it doesn't feel awkward. They're drinking together without the normal security blanket of their friends but somehow it's right.

"Hey Barney? I'm not drunk again right now."

"Okay?" For once he looks confused.

"I'm telling you right now that if later today I decide to take things further than that kiss you're not taking advantage."

She watches him swallow hard and takes another sip.

* * *

Barney's drinking from the champagne bottle. Slow steady swigs to try to distract him from the fact that Robin Scherbatsky just kissed him.

"Not fair," she drunkenly insists, reaching over and trying to grab the bottle from him.

She misses and ends up sprawled across his lap.

He can't control his reaction, hard and pressing insistently against her. He shifts uncomfortably far too drunk to know if he wants her closer or farther away.

"Mmm" she mumbles.

Then she straddles him. Yanks off her shirt and bra and tosses them behind her wildly.

Her bra lands on top of a lamp of Ted's that's probably almost definitely from one of his ex-girlfriends and he can't help but laugh since Ted's other ex-girlfriend is draped over him.

"Give me some," she slurs.

He pours the champagne in her mouth mostly missing and sending a cascade of bubbling liquid down her chest.

Barney catches it with his tongue and she moans in pleasure.

He startles when she stands, but then she's grabbing his hand and dragging him toward her bedroom.

The second the bedroom door is closed they're kissing. Standing in the middle of her room, arms wrapped around each other swaying.

"Robin! Robin?"

Ted's voice echoes through the apartment.

Robin breaks away from Barney with a groan.

"Need to see what he wants or he'll just come in," she explains as best she can given her current state.

Barney nods.

Robin stumbles toward her bedroom door. She can do this, how hard can it be to pretend that she's sober and not making out with Barney Stinson at 10 a.m. on a Monday?

The answer is pretty damn hard. For the first time ever she's thankful that Ted is so enamored by his girl of the week that all he wants to do is spout nonsense and ignore everyone else. He's not so much talking to her as talking at her, so she nods occasionally and thinks of Barney and her bedroom floor.

"Robin?"

Shit he's asked her something.

"Sounds good," she responds to a question she hasn't heard.

"Great!" Ted beams back at her, before bounding toward his bedroom.

He has to shower and change because he's meeting the girl for brunch and it's obvious it's way too soon for that but at this point Robin couldn't care less about the status of Ted's "relationship".

Her bedroom door is firmly closed again and Robin breathes a sigh of relief.


	2. Chapter 2

Barney's kneeling on the floor by her closest door. His head is resting on the doorframe, eyes closed, asleep.

He can't stay asleep. Thinking of him while Ted ranted has her needy for him. Desperate really.

She straddles him, rubs against him and kisses him sloppily aiming for his mouth but often missing.

His eyes slowly blink open, still hooded by sleep and alcohol.

"Scchh'ba'kyy," he drunkenly greets her.

She kisses him again and he groans in agreement.

Finally she manages to get his pants undone.

He's really hard and she groans in satisfaction as she sinks onto him.

She keeps sliding off of him, ass hitting the floor. When it happens for the sixth time she decides enough is enough. He's still kneeling in front of her, not really doing anything just taking it, and this position isn't working for either of them.

"Wake up!" she smacks him on the face, a little harder than she means. Barney startles; eyes immediately open and meeting hers in a kind of puzzled astonishment.

"Sex time," she urges and admonishes.

Somehow they're standing, both giggling hysterically because as they try to walk they're knocking into each other, dangerously close to collapsing on Robin's bedroom floor.

Barney falls backward onto Robin's bed and pulls her on top of him. The sex is messy, if you can even call it sex. He half manages it a couple of times and they're both drunk enough that they mumble things like "oh yeah" and "harder" and "fuck".

They fall asleep like that, half hanging off the bed, Robin sprawled across Barney.

* * *

He wakes up first. He's almost relieved the memories are still there, he'd hate himself forever if he managed to finally have sex with Robin and forget about it.

Normally at times like these he'd sneak out. For one thing: hello, it was a drunken one night stand. For another thing it's a little hazy, but he's pretty sure the sex wasn't that great. They'd had way too much alcohol for it to make a good lasting impression. Not that he doesn't want to do it again.

Finally, there's the biggest issue of all: the weight of Robin's body is literally tethering him to her bed. Even Barney Stinson, king of one night stands and no strings attached sex, can't figure out how to untangle himself without her waking up.

He decides that the simplest solution is just to lie there until Robin wakes up and follow her lead. Plus, it's not all bad. She's naked and gorgeous and he can feel the warmth of her radiating down on him. It's kind of nice.

When she wakes up it takes her a minute to remember. First, she remembers the alcohol because she's so hungover she's worried about moving. Next, she remembers Barney, because she's lying ontop of him and he's kind of hard to miss.

She closes her eyes quickly and feigns sleep for a minute her mind going into overdrive as she tries to figure out what to do. How do you act when you've just had drunken sex with one of the better (not best she automatically recalls) friends of your ex-boyfriend who also happens to be your roommate? Yeah she guesses this doesn't happen that often.

Robin finally gives up on coming up with any sort of a solution. Maybe she'll just see how Barney acts. She's actually kind of surprised he's still here. Of course, she is practically crushing him so maybe it's not that surprising. She's startled when she realizes that despite the five minutes or so of awkward pondering never did she think it weird that she was lying naked on top of him.

She blinks her eyes open and cautiously tilts her head upward to look at him, the movement causing her to become more concerned about her pounding head then about the man underneath her.

Barney's awake and he's smirking at her.

Typical.

"So…" she says awkwardly.

He grins, "Nice to see you've finally decided to wake up".

"Shut up," she mutters even though she can't help smirking back.

She attempts to roll off of him which is surprisingly hard to do when you're naked and trying not to jostle your head too much.

As her thigh slides across his body his reaction is impossible to miss.

"Really?" she grunts, pressing her hand on her stomach to still a wave of nausea.

"Robin," he raises an eyebrow at her like she's an idiot, "you're hot".

She has to grin at that. Robin lets out a short laugh then realizes it was a massive mistake as it jostles her stomach. She barely makes it to the trashcan in the corner of her room.

"Okay," he concedes, still from his place on the bed, "less hot now".

She glares at him from across the room, standing unsteadily and grabbing a tissue from her nightstand to wipe her mouth.

"I said less hot Robin!" he props himself up on his elbow, "I'd still totally tap that".

She can't help her reaction. Somehow she feels…comforted…by that. Which is totally ridiculous because didn't he just insult her? And it's not like he's really done anything to make her feel better. Not that she expects it from him.

"Come back to bed," he urges.

She's surprised that he's encouraging that, surprised that he hasn't escaped her room now that the weight of her body is no longer forcing him to stay.

He's not sure why he said that. It's just she looks so miserable with her bleary eyes and the scrunched up tissue in her hand. And he kind of wants to…make her feel better or something. No, no, he just wants to sleep more. That's it, her bed is comfortable and he wants to sleep. He doesn't care about Robin.

Robin starts to walk carefully back to the bed. He notices that their clothes are scattered at her feet.

"Toss me my pants!" he orders.

She looks annoyed and grumbles as she carefully bends down to grab his pants.

Robin realizes she's less frustrated by the fact that he just ordered her to do something and more frustrated by the fact that it mean he's leaving. How fucked up is that?

She hands him his pants as she collapses back into bed. She decides she's too hungover to bother with Barney's mind games.

He digs around in his pant pocket until his hand closes around the packet. He draws it out carefully and pops a piece into his hand.

"Robin?"

She turns to look at him.

"Here".

She looks at him with slight concern, wondering what game he's playing. Then she looks down at her hand.

She's holding a stick of gum.

Robin can't help it, she feels a little pang of something. She's not sure what, but definitely something.

"Thanks," she mutters as she shoves the gum into her mouth, relieved by the minty flavor.

He's not sure if he gave it to her to make her feel better or to make him feel less grossed out. He decides on the latter even though he's pretty sure it was the first one.

"Come here," he grumbles and he tugs her a little towards him.

She's startled when she feels his hand tracing patterns on his back. What is this? No way in hell is Barney a cuddler. Still, she accepts it, lets her eyes drift shut because of course she's hungover. Hungover from too much scotch and champagne and Barney.


End file.
